Many years ago, I came across something called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. At the time, I was not ready to live my life by these agreements. Just recently, and after a major shift in how I live my life, a dear friend and yoga teacher brought to the forefront for me The Four Agreements again. The following is a short summary of these agreements.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-indulgent, self-abuse, and regret.
What do these four agreements have to do with working towards a more equitable country for all its citizens?
Everything. If we truly focus every day at becoming better people, we ultimately work towards making a better community. I am trying every day to be a better ally. Let’s break down the four agreements as they relate to allyship. But first let’s talk about what allyship means.
The short definition of allyship is a lifelong process of building relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized individuals and/or groups of people.
Words Are Important
This is probably quite difficult for most people. Most people know to avoid generalizations and stereotypes but I think we are all guilty at one point or another of using language that causes offense even when we don’t mean to. These microaggressions, often unintentional, are forms of prejudice. Think before you speak.
About Assumptions
We all “assume” things ranging from the inane. For example, “I assumed my husband would answer the front door when it rang as he was in the front of the house” to the consequential (and hurtful), such as,“I assume all Jewish people are greedy.” Please note I am of Jewish faith. Assumptions towards marginalized communities are stereotypical. Be open-minded. Listen and learn.
When To Take It Personally
When it comes to social justice, it’s not about being too sensitive or indulging in other’s opinions. It’s about dismantling old systems designed to oppress and sustained by ideologies, words in policies, and actions of our government. Definitely take it personally when it comes to allyship. Be willing to grow. We, as White people, have to own up to our mistakes, offer a sincere apology, and learn from the experience. We need not get defensive because we know who we are
Do Your Best Always
Your best will change from day to day but always try to be a strong ally. Educate yourself on the privileges you live with to better understand others’ perspectives. Go online. Follow activists, authors, artists and other voices from communities different from yours. The more you learn, the more you will grow.
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NIOT Daniel Island 